In this, the last audition episode for America’s Got Talent 2012 before the chosen ones all reassemble in Vegas for the competition, we’re promised in the previews by Howard Stern that we’re going to see one of the best acts seen on the stage. Since the previews also show us a pig dressed in a pink tutu while playing bicycle horns, I’m hoping that’s not the act that brings Howard and the other judges (Sharon Osborne and Howie Mandel) to their feet. But we’ll see.
WARNING: AMERICA’S GOT TALENT 2012 SPOILERS AHEAD
Please be aware this post contains America’s Got Talent 2012 spoilers from Monday night’s last chance auditions. Please stop here if you don’t want to know what happened!
10 minutes in to AGT 2012 and it’s not looking promising. We started off with the aforementioned animal act, Smooch Piggy (handled by Thea Wilcox). Smoochie, as she’s known, can ring doorbells, go up ladders and play the piano while everyone else in the house sleeps. I can do all of that too but it doesn’t mean I have a million dollar act. After Smoochie got buzzed by both Howard and Howie – and also got a “yes” vote from Sharon – her fate was sealed when Howard proclaimed “Bacon for everybody”. So long, Smoochie. I hear they’re making Babe 3 soon. Maybe you should try out for that.
A martial artist told us his skill is that he can hit people 20 times in one second. I couldn’t actually tell if he reached that milestone or not but he was given the hook pretty quickly after Howard told him that it’s not really an act to “hit people who don’t defend themselves”.
A female rapper explained that she rapped because it gave her a sense of female empowerment and then proceeded to rap her way through a song about women using their bodies to get money from men. When Howie asked her if she thought that sentiment embodied female empowerment, she agreed. I think she might need to look up the definition of female empowerment.
The first act in America’s Got Talent 2012 that got put through was a young 6-year old girl (Lilly Anna) whose stage name was Lil Star. Dressed in a very glittery outfit with matching glittery eyeliner, she proceeded to blow away the judges with a truly terrific tap dance routine. Even though Howard liked her, he didn’t vote to put her through because he doesn’t see her as a million dollar act but Howie and Sharon liked her enough that we’ll see her again in the Vegas showdowns.
Ben Mendoza and The Midnight Circus were next, a troupe of a dozen or so men and women who did dancing, acrobatic and trapeze moves. We only got a very brief glimpse of them but they were awfully good and the judges, after putting them through to Vegas, told them they have a bright future. I think they could go far in the AGT 2012 competition.
An unidentified impressionist who was only given about 30 seconds of airtime was hilarious, doing a spot-on impression of Jack Nicholson (in full Easy Rider mode) auditioning for the role of Darth Vader. See you in Vegas, Jack.
And then, the surprise of the night for America’s Got Talent 2012 so far. A very nerdy looking guy named Jacob Williams, a 23-year-old stand-up comedian, who classified himself as a loner who was terrified of talking in front of people and was afraid he was going to throw up, took the stage. He started out slowly but then got into a real rhythm and did a very Steven Wright-type deadpan routine. Sharon asked him “Where have you been hiding” and Howard thought he was spectacular. I did too.
The 787 Crew, a dance group from Puerto Rico, did a tremendously athletic dance performance set to techno-electronic music. There were lots of flips and stunts built in and the judges loved them, praising their positive attitude and showmanship. Howard said they were “one of the best dance acts we’ve seen on this stage” and we learned they spent $3,700 to fly themselves to the auditions. Howard assured them it was a great investment, because it could pay off in a million dollar gig in Vegas.
Trish, a female rapper who looked like Coco’s younger sister (for those of you familiar with the great Ice Loves Cocoshow) told us that people mistake her for a stripper or porn star all the time but she loves Jesus. Good to know. Turns out Trish really had an ulterior motive for auditioning for America’s Got Talent 2012 – she has a huge crush on Howard Stern and just wanted to meet him. When she got buzzed within 20 seconds of beginning her (terrible and impossible-to-understand) rap, she confessed her secret crush on Howard and he went up on stage, gave her a hug, called her baby and told her he’d see her in Vegas (although apparently for reasons other than continuing on in the competition). Good luck with that.
Mark Ofuji, a masseuse turned stand-up comedian, came next in AGT 2012, and told us he would do impressions. Since we couldn’t understand a thing he was saying, he didn’t get through, although he assured us that the impression he was doing was Al Pacino saying “I’m Bond. James Bond”. Fortunately, the judges didn’t waste time explaining to Mark that Al Pacino had never played James Bond but Mark seemed shocked he didn’t get put through and left the stage before being able to do his promised Gilbert Gottfriedimitation. I think we are all grateful to have been spared that.
And then the finale. Mary Ruth Joyner, the 20-year-old daughter of Olympian track and field legends, Florence Griffith-Joyner and Al Joyner, came on stage to sing. She’s a beautiful young woman and had a very strong voice but I tend to think her back story (her Mom died when she was 5 years old) helped frame the type of response she received not only from the crowd but also from the judges. Howard told her “you had me in 30 seconds” and Howie said “we just fell in love with you” and all of that is true but I think she may need to step it up a bit to keep going on in the competition. It was a dramatic way to end the auditions, though, and I applaud America’s Got Talent2012 for saving this young lady and her talent for a big finish to the audition process.
Next week, we’re headed to Vegas where the 100+ acts that have been sent through will be whittled down to the 48 open spots for the live studio audience shows. I suspect that there will be some very easy cuts, because a lot of novelty (as in not really million dollar) acts got sent through but there certainly will have to be some tougher decisions made. This is where it starts to get really interesting.