I’ve got to hope that this very tame and kind of boring episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians is not a harbinger of things to come this season. Don’t they know I live for their drama? Don’t they realize I look to them and their foolishness to make me feel better about my bad choices? C’mon, Kardashian/Jenner clan. Start bringing your “A” game next episode, I’m begging you.
WARNING: KEEP UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS SPOILERS AHEAD!
Please be aware this recap contains Keeping Up With The Kardashians spoilers for Episode 2. Please do not continue reading if you do not want to know what happened!
(Although we did start with Kim Kardashian – wearing the kind of false eyelashes usually only seen on drag queens – asking her baby sisters, Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner to apply individual false eyelashes to her eyes. She looked just like Sleeping Beauty laying there with her eyes closed, waiting for Prince Kanye to wake her with a kiss.)
Tonight’s main drama was still all about Kris Jenner and her revelation in her book that she had an affair when she was married to Robert Kardashian (and was already the mother to 4 young kids) and that’s what ended her marriage. Kourtney Kardashian – the Kardashian with the least amount of introspection but the biggest attitude – spends most of the episode making rude comments about and to her mother for Kris’ indiscretion. This is the same Kourtney who has overlooked Scott Disick’s many indiscretions and bad behaviors a zillion times, but seems incapable of forgiving her mother, even though Kris acknowledges that, as the oldest child, Kourtney took her parents’ divorce the hardest.
Even though she only made appearances via iChat tonight, the always-sensible Khloe Kardashian Odom talks to Kim about the Kourtney/Kris crisis brewing and points out very smartly that “you can’t judge someone unless you walk in their shoes”. Oh Khloe, please come back to L.A. Your family needs you; I need you.
(In a jaw-dropping side conversation via iChat, Kim tells Khloe that they were all so much prettier when they wore less make-up and had less-inflated hair. “We try way too hard now”, Kim says. I will wait here for a second while you all say “Duh”.)
When Kourtney hosts her first dinner party in her house (with a professional chef doing the actual cooking and serving), Kris and Kourtney get into it again so badly that Kris has to just about drag Kourtney outside the house to confront her. About damn time if you ask me. Kris tries to justify what happened under the heading of “I was too young and stupid”. (Just for the record, I looked up her age and, according to her own timeline, she was 30 when she cheated. Not so young, actually). And she lets Kourtney know she’s sick and tired of Kourtney being rude and actually makes a pretty good point by telling Saint Kourtney that what happened wasn’t about the kids and wasn’t about Robert Kardashian; it was about her.
In some kind of breakthrough moment, Kourtney heads to her therapist (and, honestly, what kind of therapist allows her sessions to be filmed?) and points out that there is always an “inherent competition” between mothers and daughters and now that Kourtney is expecting a girl, this may be why she’s acting the way she is towards her own mother. And the therapist wisely reminds Kourtney that she has major trust issues with Scott and is getting help for them, while Kris Jenner, when she had her own issues with Robert Kardashian, looked outside her marriage for dealing with them. You could almost see the light bulb go off over Kourtney’s head.
Kourtney and Kris eventually make nice at the end of the show (of course, not before Kourtney gets in one more dig about how Kris tries to buy everyone’s affection with gifts), but promises to start taking baby steps to try and repair their relationship.
There were other plotlines tonight of course but they are so minor that they can be summed up by the ever-useful bullet point approach:
- Kylie and Kendall Jenner are now West Coast correspondents for Seventeen magazine, a position I’m sure they got strictly on merit and not because they are Kardashian clan members.
- Kim is deathly afraid of spiders and you haven’t really lived until you’ve seen Kim running down a hall, shedding clothes and flailing to get a teeny weeny spider (which actually wasn’t on her) off of her.
- When Kourtney wants to talk to Scott in the evening, she walks across the house to Scott’s bedroom because they don’t sleep together. (Well, except for the times when they conceive children).
- We saw a rare appearance from one of Bruce’s non-Kardashian children, Brandon Jenner, who helped Kim, Kylie and Kendall get back at Bruce for terrorizing Kim with the aforesaid spiders.
- And, the most important fact of all we learned tonight? Kim gets a spray tan every night. You read that right. I know this episode was filmed a while ago but I think we need to show Kim a picture of the New Jersey Tan Mom to show her the path she’s headed down if she continues with her spray tan obsession.
Next episode, we’re promised an appearance by Rob Kardashian, one of the few male voices on the show, in what appears to be some sort of conflict between he and Bruce. I’m guessing it will all resolve itself by the end of the show but we’ll have to wait until tomorrow night (when an extra bonus episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians airs) to find out. Join me then. Same bat time, same bat channel.