Ah, the clip show. Another time honored America’s Next Top Model tradition. A chance for us all to look back and fondly remember all of the fallen models we see in the opening credits that make us ask ourselves, wait, who was that again? Wouldn’t it be neat if they made it so when they play the theme as each eliminated model popped up, suddenly her image would black out? I think this is something that reality shows should consider. Very dramatic. Hey, has anyone else heard the rumor that Azmarie is living with Raven Symone?
Tyra Banks reminds us that she handpicked seven unknown Americans to battle against seven previous Britain’s Next Top Model contestants. We relive the first challenge in which the Americans and the Brits have a walk off at Universal City. Nothing like that ever happened when I was there. Maybe I shouldn’t have left L.A… Anyway after the challenge the girls return home and in unseen footage we see that the Americans break in the pool by skinny-dipping. So American! We then relive the 3D motion capture trampoline shoot that I maintain would never happen in Vogue magazine. We are also reintroduced to Kelly Cutrone, new judge of Hills/The City/Kell On Earth fame. Jasmiah is sent home first, back to England. I don’t remember her at all. But I guess that’s the point, yeah? She just didn’t make a convincing enough John Lennon jumping in the air.
We get to see the girls interact in unseen footage in which we learn the ups and downs of British slang and foreign accents. Apparently “girl” in Scottish sounds like “ghetto.” We also flashback to the shakeovers, which is a fancy word for makeovers as you recall. There’s Louise having the obligatory “how dare you chop off my hair” cut and Alisha fretting over her weave. “You know how many brain cells I’ve lost?” she laments after she begins patting her head excessively. We of course get to see Mariah talking about her Native American heritage. Or, as Alisha, says, “I don’t think we have them in England. If we do, they’re on the lowdown.” Sadly Mariah does not live to see the next week as she is deemed too sexy in the Kardashian toddler shoot which is a sentence I never thought I would type. Ah, memories!
We are then brought back to the magic moment when the Brit girls prank the sleeping Yanks by throwing paper at them and Seymone loses it big time. Geez, Seymone, take it easy! Brits have opposite time zones! Oh, and apparently they were also drinking wine. Reason #101 I love the Brits. We then see unseen footage of the Brits and Seymone trying to work it out. “I was already pissed off going to bed, that’s why I went to bed,” Seymone explains. Oh. I see. So she was mad she had to go to bed? Or she went to bed mad already? And they say the Brits are confusing! Then Tyra comes over and then, of course, we look back on her bestowing the girls with their super powers. In which we see Laura referring to herself as a pirate for the first time! See? These shows are useful for remembering!
Next is the challenge where Louise and Kelly butt heads, causing Louise and her reluctant Linda Evangelista ‘do to send themselves back over the pond before she knocks Kelly out. Fight or flight, people, fight or flight. And her flight saves everyone from the chopping block for the week.
Of course the girls, regardless of country all have opposite views of housekeeping. That’s a universal truth! This happens every cycle. Azmarie laments how dirty the girls are and we see she is the self-designated cleaner. It also gives us an adorable recount of Brit Sophie washing a plate: “I washed a plate…It was hard, it was difficult. I had to like, get this wash thing and squirt this water thing over this white thing and then use like a sponge to rub it down and that’s cleaning!” Seriously. If she doesn’t win there is no justice because girlfriend is awesome.
We return to the fancy hats/low rider cars photo shoot that frankly was over my head. I know it was an attempt to pair the cultures but really? Regardless it resulted in American Candace getting the heave ho.
The next tasks send the girls up to Canada. So much international flavor this cycle! We relive more of Seymone’s babycrying and bad runway walking. How did that girl get as far as she did? The photo shoot was the maple syrup porn shot which sadly sent one of my favorites, Ashley, back to Scotland.
Back in the house ANTM all-star Lisa D’amato comes to visit the girls to reveal the song recording/music video challenge. I am still annoyed she claimed to have the won that challenge on her cycle when it was Alison but whatev. We get to fondly recall how the Brits rocked it and the Americans phoned it in. Azmarie’s cleaning is better then her rapping. And her willingness to booty tooch. She dismissed herself from a booty tooching battle! Who wants to look cool when they can Gucci tooch?! But she has to stay true to herself, apparently. Good luck with that! “I didn’t know why wearing a fake butt would be so embarssing,” Laura muses. Why indeed! Either way, Azmarie is dunzo. Looks like dish duty is all Sophie now! Only she’s too busy with Catherine skulking around the house like Ninjas to celebrate the British music video victory.
At the next shoot we briefly relive Kyle getting the boot after not delivering the goods at the human art installation dinner thing with Estelle. The next shoot was the Hello Kitty couture, or as I fondly remember it, the shoot that finally got rid of Seymone. After this we revisit the Laura/Eboni feud. Apparently Eboni is vain. Isn’t that part of being a model? And shouldn’t Americans stick together? Nigel shows up to reveal that they are all going to Asia. Specficially, Macau. I still don’t know where that is.
We get to see the best unseen moment when the girls reinact a judging panel in which Sophie reveals another talent, impressions. And also remember Alisha beginning to unravel. Man, this cycle made some girls unhinged!
The first overseas shoot was the silkworm shoot. Catherine is the first to get sent packing overseas. At least Asia is a closer flight back to Britain than California. I think. (I suck at geography, OK?)
We see the girls do some shopping, which is what Sophie does best. They also try some foreign cuisine including something that looks like sugared beef. Then it’s off to the challenge where the girls learn kung fu fighting and do a screen test with local Asian triple threat Nichols Tse that Laura wins, pissing off everyone else. Well, mostly Alisha, who is still patting her weave. So many lost brain cells! Does that explain her sudden craziness? The photo shoot is another ANTM classic, the excessively high height shoot. This was the episode that had the twist ending of Eboni getting sent home by panel and Alisha getting sent home by… Alisha! Dun, dun, dun!
This leaves Annaliese, Sophie, and Laura being sent off on go see’s with male model escorts to bring them around. I maintain that it’s more fun when they are sent off on their own with a map and ride and no help and then get the stink eye from Tyra when they admit in judging that they only made so many go see’s because they got lost. Sophie wins the challenge by booking all of the go see’s. They all spend money they won from the challenge on shots in a night on the town with their male models. Laura reveals she loves to flirt. How shocking.
The final shoot to determine the last two was the perfume bottle shoot. Which Laura was not feeling. Pirates aren’t princesses, ya’ll! But ultimately Annaliese doesn’t sparkle QUITE enough and is dismissed. Which means the final two are Brit Sophie and American Laura.
So… what will happen next week? Well, I mean, we know what will happen. There will be a Cover Girl commercial/shoot and some kind of crazy runway show that must top all other America’s Next Top Model runway shows before. And it will also mark the end of the reign of Nigel Barker and the two Jays. That’s going to be tough for me. I follow Kelly on Twitter and she revealed the two new judges, Some Guy I’ve Never Heard Of and Some Other Guy I’ve Never Heard Of. Let’s face it, neither of them are named Jay.
– Alison Carley, GossipandGab.com guest blogger