In the latest Dance Moms season 7 debacle, the ALDC’s teens skipped a day of rehearsals to film Kendall K. Vertes’ latest music video. Somehow, though, it was Abby Lee Miller’s fault that they didn’t get a lot of time with her. (Typical dance moms logic.) Meanwhile, in actual dance news, the group went to its final competition in California before heading home to Pittsburgh. Naturally, that meant the team should…compete a ballet number. Right. Abby, stop trying to make ballet happen. It’s not going to happen.
Oh. There were solos for Maesi Caes, Elliana Walmsley, and Lilliana Ketchman, too. But we’re not supposed to talk about that because it’ll make dance mom Jill Vertes’ entitlement rear its ugly head. Check out our recap for Dance Moms season 7 episode 11 to find out what happened in some town in California that sounded like “placenta.”
Does Pittsburgh have any parking lots available? Because Dance Moms season 7’s vision of California sure doesn’t. Grr. Unlike in last week’s episode (and even the one before), Dance Moms 7×11 didn’t jump straight to the pyramid. Instead, we were treated to Kendall K. Vertes’ totally-not-scripted chat with the rest of the ALDC, which was all about her upcoming video shoot.
If Abby says anything mean toward you guys, it’s probably just because I have a music video this week.
When pyramid finally started, Abby Lee Miller was predictably excited about the clean sweep at the previous week’s competition; even more predictably, she chatted the girls up about priorities. With the ALDC returning to Pittsburgh next week, Abby knew that the girls would have tons of big Hollywood opportunities or whatever, but she offered them a fair warning:
However, the first priority has to be the competition this week.
No more giggles for Kendall and friends. And no more ointment left in the medicine cabinet for dance mom Jill Vertes after Abby hit her with an epic burn. Abby wasn’t sure why Jill was acting like Kendall’s music video was the best thing since sliced bread, and “I’m sure Jill can remember that because I’m sure she’s that old.” Ouch.
Jill slathered herself in enough aloe to make the plant an endangered species; and then Abby ranked the dancers. Yay?
At some point, Abby rambled about Elliana Walmsley being “smart enough” to get her leg up high. Funny, I thought that had to do with strength and flexibility, not an IQ test. Whatever. Nobody cared to pay attention to the rankings — at least I didn’t — but, at some point, dance mom Ashlee Allen chimed in to complain about Maesi Caes’ placement. Evidently, because Maesi “died” in the group dance before some of the girls below her, she didn’t earn her spot. Ashlee’s new bff
Regina George Jill chimed in to support her, proving (as usual) that she had no idea what she was talking about.
You can’t screw up when you’re laying on the ground.
Actually, Jill: When we’re talking about being “dead” in a performance and having to lie absolutely still, it is, in fact, possible to screw up. I can think of a few other cases, too…But they’re not appropriate for a general audience, so.
Once Abby forced Ashlee and Jill to shut up, she told the ALDC all about her plans for the latest Dance Moms season 7 group dance. Because attempting ballet went so well that one time (shoutout to JoJo Siwa for bailing), Abby wanted the final performance in California to be a ballet number. Totally logical. (Actually, if we’re being honest here, Abby’s whole shpiel about forcing the team to focus on technique before going to Pittsburgh made perfect sense, but that destroys my narrative here, so.) Where was I? Right. Abby also explained that the choreography was inspired by The Red Violin. After hearing the story, the dance moms decided to make bad jokes about women dying in childbirth. Evidently, that’s a joking matter.
El oh el, they probably died because they gave birth to minis! Shut up.
Yeah, I’m just done with humans this week. Every week, to be honest.
There is a right, and there is a wrong in ballet.
Abby Lee Miller, restoring my faith in humanity — even if she fails to realize all techniques have a right and a wrong.
Bonus quote: “I have never read that book,” courtesy of Jill Vertes, discussing…literally any book, ever.
Kendall K. Vertes’ big Hollywood opportunity. I was hoping that Dance Moms season 7 wouldn’t make me suffer through teeny bopper music career garbage, but here we are.
I’ll make this as painless as possible. Let’s go: So, dance mom Jill was all, “I’m so excited, I can’t stand it,” and I was like…Ok, but shut up, Jessie Spano.
Meanwhile, Kendall was telling a totally-not-scripted story about how she and her mommy fired Abby as her manager, and everything was way better now. Also, she was totally happy to have the rest of the teen dancers with her because “we all came from hometown states, just going to dance every day,” whatever the hell that means. Then, while Kendall K. was busy furthering her music career, the dance moms loitered backstage to talk about Abby neglecting the original* team in favor of the minis.
Y’all. You chose to not be with her. You’re kind of, like, in the middle of something that doesn’t involve her or her studio.
Later in the episode, Jill whined about Abby’s choice to have a guest choreographer work with the group, rather than doing it herself. I’m pretty sure this was the same Jill who was happy when Erin Babbs used a second choreographer for solos, though. And just before the girls performed, Jill used her bitchover to talk the piece up.
Bonus reason to vomit: That tiny snippet of the pointe shoes? No, just no. Those feet did not belong in those shoes. No.
Rehearsal stuffs. While the teens were busy being distracted by non-existent fame and fortune — because let’s be real: any fame they have is from the dancing and their crazy ass mothers — the younger girls actually rehearsed. First up, Abby Lee Miller demonstrated how to be creepy while she worked with Lilliana Ketchman. In case anyone was wondering, Abby is a professional creeper. This rehearsal clip proved it. After proving said creepiness, Abby moved on to working with Maesi Caes.
Abby was tired of hearing dance mom Jaime Caes talk Maesi up and just wanted her to “dance it up” (yes, please)…But she wasn’t going to make it easy. Instead of the usual hip hop, at which Maesi has proven she excels, Abby decided that the challenge of a contemporary solo was in order. Abby knew that Maesi was a hard worker, but she needed more. Not only was our fearless leader tired of dealing with Jaime — can’t blame her there — but she was also a wee bit tired of Maesi’s technical issues.
She’s not going to get away with hiding those feet in hip hop any longer.
I’m not saying the shade was warranted, but I’m not saying Abby Lee Miller was wrong either.
Now, if you hop on over to our spoiler article for Dance Moms season 7 episode 11, you’ll see a clip of Jaime and dance mom Stacey Ketchman’s shouting match. I still don’t have a clue what that was about. Jaime’s argument with dance mom Yolanda Walmsley, on the other hand…Yeah, I’ve got the details there.
Free Elliana Walmsley, 2k17. During Elliana’s rehearsal, Abby corrected her. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. Ellie took those corrections seriously and became upset. Just like last time, Crying Elliana wrecked me. Get ready to be heartbroken.
- “I feel so defeated.”
- “I feel like I’m not good, ever.”
- “I’m trying my hardest.”
And that wasn’t even everything that Ellie had to say between her sobs. Abby Lee Miller, full of warm fuzzies as always, told Ellie she couldn’t dance if she kept crying. Oh, and all of the tears were “spoiled brat behavior.”
Yolanda was supportive in her own way, but Ellie was basically like, “girl, bye.” As she should have been. Just moments before, Yolanda was talking with Stacey about how she just didn’t understand why Ellie was so nervous lately. Gee, could it be because of this? Or this? How about the entirety of Dance Moms season 7 as Exhibit A? No?
Anyway. After Ellie got rid of Yolanda, Worst Ever Mama had a chat with Stacey. However, while they were in the middle of discussing Elliana’s tendency to take corrections personally, Jaime interrupted. And Jaime was clearly looking for trouble, which she found. Cue Jaime’s second fight of Dance Moms season 7 episode 11. And cue Yolanda putting her evil powers to good use.
You are deplorable. You are disgusting. Get out of my face.
Ahh, drama. Love it.
Meanwhile, I wonder if Jaime’s actually…deplorable. In which case, “disgusting” isn’t a strong enough word.
At any rate, despite taking
Regina George Jill’s “Worst Ever” title away from her in Dance Moms season 7, Yolanda got one thing incredibly right in all of this.
She’s holding her accountable for every little detail because she wants her to succeed.
One more time for the dancers in the back!
Dance teachers usually give the most corrections to the kids that they want to improve. Even Abby Lee Miller fits into the “dance teacher” category here. So, a note to Elliana Walmsley: Kid, you’re amazing. You don’t even seem realize it yet, which I’m kind of grateful for. I know you’re a perfectionist or else you wouldn’t care, and you wouldn’t be this good. But please, take a deep breath. If you’re in dance class, and the teacher seems to be picking on you? They’re probably just picking you out to be the next big star.
But — and as a perfectionist, you already know this — there’s always going to be something for you to fix. There’s always something to improve. Since I know you want to be your very best, listen to your corrections. Don’t let them get to you. I know that’s easier said than done. I know there will be some days where you feel like nothing you do is right, but don’t let it get you down.
Keep doing your best and working to make your best even better. You’re going to kill it one day. You kind of already do.
Ok. Enough positivity. Off to the competition in
the placenta Placentia, apparently? The ALDC loitered on some bleachers, which is as close as Dance Moms season 7 is ever going to get to “Dance Moms Loitering In Parking Lots.” While they were there, the original* team members complained about Abby’s lack of attention.
Guys, stop parroting your mothers’ stupidity. You. Were. At. A. Music. Video. Shoot. “Omg! Abby Lee Miller abandoned us this week, and it’s our last week in California!” No. Just no.
Dance Mom Holly Frazier gave the teens a great pep talk; then, it was off to the dressing room. Abby’s pre-performance pep talks were, as usual, lacking. She wanted Elliana Walmsley to go back to destroying everyone, which was great advice. I mean, don’t mind the fact that Ellie was already stressing. On the other hand, Abby’s advice to Maesi Caes had me like, “???”
It’s not a hip hop dance. You don’t have to hit it hard.
I think Maesi knew she wasn’t doing hip hop, so…
- “I Scream For Ice Cream,” acro solo performed by Lilliana Ketchman. Lilly didn’t receive as many on-screen corrections as Ellie this week, but I have plenty for her. Things were just kind of sloppy across the board. So (*cracks knuckles*): The fan kick was off-center. Straighten those knees. Relax the shoulders. For the love of God, get those heels down in your jumps before you snap an achilles. Don’t chuck those tricks around. In general, watch the details. And if the solo is supposed to be creepy? Work that face more. Result: See below.
- “Am I Enough?” lyrical solo performed by Elliana Walmsley. Ellie is so good. (See also: That’s why Abby gave her so many corrections.) I swear it makes sense. With that being said, a trained eye could see the nerves. Ellie’s shoulders were just slightly raised; and while her feet were totally stretched, there was just the tiniest grip in the toes. She usually doesn’t make that mistake. Overall, though, this solo was beautiful. The leaps and piqué arabesque were particularly nice. Result: Tied for 5th place overall with Lilly. I’d love to know who the top four soloists were. Internet, do your thing.
- “Patience,” contemporary solo performed by Maesi Caes. Maesi doesn’t have Ellie’s technique. Let’s just get that out of the way. Abby Lee Miller was on point with the comment about the sloppy feet. With that being said, Maesi did a much better job than I expected. She used her arms very well, and I don’t think many people get how difficult that can be. In short, Maesi performed the crap out of this solo. There was something in the movement quality that really sold the performance. You can teach all the technique in the world, but that performance level is something else. Result: Ok, but technique is still important. Maesi didn’t place.
- “The Red Bow,” ALDC group ballet performance. No. You can’t throw steps together and randomly label it ballet. Stop trying to make ballet happen. It’s not going to happen. Result: 1st place overall group. You’re kidding, right?
After the OMG LAST DANCE MOMS SEASON 7 COMPETITION IN CALIFORNIA, it was time to say goodbye. Nope, we didn’t just say goodbye to Hollywood. Abby Lee Miller told Maesi Caes that she didn’t fit in with the team, so Jaime finally decided she’d had enough. While an upset Maesi cried, Kendall K. melted my cold, dead heart. If you didn’t get all warm with emotions with Kendall kissed Maesi on the forehead, please teach me your ways!
Meanwhile, dance mom Jill spent the last Dance Moms season 7 episode in California contradicting herself. Really, that’s a Dance Moms phenomenon in general, not just something unique to Dance Moms season 7. But I digress. In the midst of all of that chaos, dance mom Camille Bridges wanted to know if she and Camryn were going to Pittsburgh. Abby Lee Miller didn’t answer, though. She wants you to tune in next time.
Join us for the last couple of episodes of Dance Moms season 7, folks. They’re going to be wild.1 of 1