Since it’s Monday, that means another episode of Vanderpump Rules Season 5! If you forgot what happened last week, you can find it here. Pour yourself a cocktail and let’s get down to Vanderpump Rules!
I always wonder how much waste went in to filming the opening credits of Pump Rules. Do you think Bravo reimbursed the Queen of Sur for her costs? Did they take it out of her cut as executive producer? I’m thinking Andy Cohen needs to weigh in on these very important issues.
Listening to Tom Schwartz & Katie Maloney worry about money and fret over their wedding is extremely annoying. If you can’t afford your wedding, don’t spend all of your money on it. We all know the two of them have no money. As a result of their financial troubles, they continue to bicker and shed light on their potential divorce down the line.
While I know the cast is being paid to talk about what happened the night before, it often is repetitive to hear the same story told eight different ways. I do appreciate a good shit-talking catch up with my friends, and I think the black sheep of the group would be my BFF. “Don’t feed the models” say Ariana Madix, a woman dating a male model. I often times find myself asking her if she’s suffering from Dorothy Gale syndrome.
Giving DJ James Kennedy the “benefit of the doubt” is the same thing as giving Satan the nuclear codes. It is not a good idea. I genuinely feel bad for his girlfriend Raquel whom is being spoon fed straight up lies. Whoever you are Raquel, please know all of America is telling you to run far away.
If you show up to a shoot with a pack of Coors Light when you’re modeling, does that affect your ability to suck in your stomach. There is nothing more random than Joe Simpson being the man Tom Sandoval is getting half naked for. The bromance between Schwartz & Sandoval is quite magnificent and goes to show that there professional jealousy does not come between them. “Stomach in, dick out” is the same advice Joe Simpson gave to his ex-son in law Nick Lachey during his failed attempt at a sex tape with Jessica.
While I don’t appreciate the way James speaks about women and puts them down, Gigi was 100% in the wrong for ambushing the man at his “work.” One has to applaud the reformed bad boy for making attempts at righting his wrongs, he always has excuses. Telling someone you can be loyal, as opposed to staying loyal are two very different things, things James does not have experience in.
In my opinion, I thoroughly despise these sponsored ads from the cast of Bravo network shows, especially if it’s for awful movies.
Seeing Jax and Brittany go to a church with rainbow flags hanging outside would not please Brittany’s mother. She was flabbergasted by potential homosexuality. Tsk tsk! Jax Taylor is all of us right now when we sit through mass, sermons or any form of religious speech. We do it because we know its right, but we don’t enjoy doing.
Is it me, or does Stassi’s brother make Vanderpump Rules infinitely better? “She should know by now.” Truer words have never been spoken by a 10 year old. Thank you Nikolas! Bravo must pay for poor Nikolas’ future therapy. His sister is Stassi, the biggest headache on the show, and in life.
This lunch between James & Sandoval should provide us with a lot of mentoring by the latter to the former. I want to let James know that being sober is a choice. He must think about the consequences of your choices. Consequently, it takes a cheater to know a cheater, and James and Sandoval are both notorious cheaters.
First of all, Sandoval is not the greatest at memorizing lines. Secondly, a group of bartenders in their late thirties are not going to be the next George Lucas. Continuously, how did they get the money for those CGI graphics? Can someone please get back to me on that?
Random thought:Every time Lisa Vanderpump parades around with her dog Harrison my heart melts a bit. He’s so docile and deserves all the love.
It’s been a while since we’ve seen Pandora and who knew she was actually friends with these head cases? I do appreciate a good boozy brunch, however there is not enough liquor in the world to will me to sit through this specific one. Blah, blah, blah Katie is mean and the producers of Vanderpump Rules are savage for cutting in film of Scheana being a complete bridezilla is perfection. Of course Pandora is hosting the ladies of the show for the spa day, and like most events, it is going to end up in tears!It’s ironic that Pandora is so much more mature than all the other ladies and she puts them all to shame! Please, for the love of god, stop asking Ariana to be nice to the girls. Like fetch, it’s never going to happen. On the other hand, she is a member of the wedding party and she should make an effort to do better.
The men are discussing their fantasies about dressing in drag and Jax makes sure to bring up potential homoerotic situations. Thank you Bravo for continously and brazenly shaming the cast for their bad decisions. All things considered, the men of Vanderpump Rules dressing up in drag is always enjoyable. Regrettably these gentlemen will look back at their time on reality television and question their choices.
I’m living for Lisa Vanderpump’s expressions towards her employee’s outrageous requests. They become more and more outlandish each time. Like any good troll, LVP is game and gives in to the gentlemen’s request for female attire.
When we get back to the brunch, the audience can always count on Ariana for delivering memorable lines. Especially at the expense of Stassi when she delivers this one: “I’m laughing because it’s funny. It’s funny because it’s true.” The one thing that annoys me about Stassi is that she always plays the victim and forgets how awful she really is. If you can’t take it, don’t dish it sweetheart!
The ladies on Bravo television shows give group meals a bad reputation, between the awkward silences and the levels of shade thrown at one another. For women in their late twenties, early thirties, they’re all extremely petty and the definition of social climbing sociopaths.
As I sit watching this episode, I think to myself “Katie, you are an alcoholic. The first step is admitting you have a problem.” I didn’t know this would be an episode of Intervention. Kudos Bravo! It’s not a Bravo group meal unless one of their cast members storms off from the table in an expletive filled tirade. I see someone has been to therapy with the “I feel” statements. Good job Scheana for using your words. However, I feel that argument was pointless and the apology was insincere.
“Don’t tell me this is the first time he’s tried on a dress?” Thank you LVP for asking the question we were all thinking. Jax Taylor is the meme that keeps on giving. “You gotta tease ’em a little bit.” Does Sandoval want to let the audience know he moonlights as a drag queen? Similarly, did Lisa burn all those items after the gentlemen wore them?
Finally we get to the end of the show and it’s another Schwartz & Katie meal that will presumably lead to more fighting. As a future groom I’m thinking “Isn’t it bad luck to wear your wedding ring before the big day?”Schwartz is already dooming his marriage! The fans can always count on Schwartz to put Katie in her place. “It’s hard for you to be objective.” Schwartz is preaching to the wrong choir. His future bride-to-be is ripping him a new one due to her inability to take criticism. “Self entitled, elitist stuck up person.” “It’s called being emotional mature and able to handle your self.” Schwartz 1, Katie 0. For a couple about to tie the knot, they’re heading down the wrong path.
In any case, that’s all kiddos! Join me next week for the joint bachelor & bachelorette party on Bourbon Street!
Vanderpump Rules Season 5 airs every Monday at 9pm EST on Bravo!